I Fart,Therefore I Am.

When you're in a relationship, you always want your partner to see you at your best. This might mean dressing up for them, or being more tidy than usual, or doing things you wouldn't normally do. And it can be a wonderful thing. But there are some drawbacks to being around another person so often.

What happens when you fart in front of your partner?

You may get lucky the first couple of times. You might be in a crowded street or have enough warning to duck into the bathroom before it happens. But it is only a matter of time before you're completely alone together and then, suddenly, you let one off. What should you do? Ignore it? Deny it? Slowly move away from your partner and hope the smell follows you? Never fear, for I have compiled a list of DOs and DON'Ts to help you out, should this situation arise (and believe me,it will !)

~DO: be subtle about the fact that it was you. You don't have to make a big proclamation, but an acknowledgement of the event will show your partner that you are comfortable sharing this information with them. This establishes trust in the relationship - that you will tell the truth, and that your partner will accept it.

~DON'T: deny it was you. We all have our own scents and it won't be long before your partner picks up on yours. Just as it's easier for partners to pick up on each other's deodorants, perfumes and pheromones, so too can they pick up on farts. Honesty is important in a relationship, so it's better to tell your partner these things yourself before they, er, sniff out the truth.

~DO: laugh it off. As much of a mood-breaker as farting is, there is still humour to be found in this stange bodily habit - even if that humour lies in the fact that a perfectly good make-out session has been ruined by an unfortunate sound and/or smell. Laughing at yourself when you say or do something stupid often makes you feeel better, so why not try it when you fart?

~DON'T: allow an awkward silence to rise. As the silence lingers, so too will the smell. You need to distract yourselves enough to try to ignore the fart (interpret this any way you wish). If this cannot be done, you may have to use the fart itself as a topic of conversation. Which brings us to....

~DO: reveal farting anecdotes. Yes,it's a bit naughty. But you're bound to get up to far naughtier things with your partner. This is the one place where you'll be able to reveal those stories that you've never been able to tell anyone else (excepting anonymous internet forums).

~DON'T: sart a farting contest. It's a level of immaturity that really isn't desirable in an adult relationship. If you still enjoy, you're probably not an adult, or in a relationship.

~DO: give your partner breathing room. You may be able to stand your own scent, but they won't be quite as used to it as you (and may never be). Respect their wishes, and they'll get back to you when they're ready. It doesn't mean they love you any less.

~DON'T: let your partner shun you. Even if they have their space, they should still show you that they respect you. If you find their response to your fart offensive, let them know. Their farts probably don't smell much better.

So there you have it, the DOs and DON'Ts of what to do when you fart in front of your partner.