Time To Change?

is it time to change? many things to change.... to change this blog's heading? :) i'll see to wat i can do about that. time to change the way i live? time to change the way i should treat people who don't treat me nice? should i continue to be nice to them? and that includes my family members. im so tired. tired of treating people nice and yet get treated like dirt back. can someone help? probably not,only i can help myself out of this right?

many things are going through my mind now. it's sometimes frustrating to have to think about so many things. but right now,i'm more relaxed becuz my aunt has gone to her friend's place to stay for a week. that i'm relieved to know. first to talk about my aunt whom i'm staying with. sometimes she's nice,sometimes she can be a real bitch,i guess thats what it takes to live with a person who is not married and turning 50 soon eh? she's a very calculative person and definitely not the generous kind of person, even towards family. fine,she give me a place to stay, ok i should be thankful for that, DUH! i AM thankful for that anyway! so of course i try to help out watever i can around the apartment. well, everynight basically she wil finish her dinner and throw the plates in the sink, expecting me to wash. so fine, i wash...for 2 months + already its been like that. and sometimes if i dont wash HER things, she will call me and say 'how come u didnt do ur job?' like as if i'm the MAID in the apartment. fine,i wash for her also. of course staying with her would mean i have to follow the house rules right.after all,i'm stayin in her place for 'free'..lets see how 'free' can it last, i'm sure after i get a job,i wud have to start paying for electricity bill and water bill and food.trust me on this. i'm 100% sure. everyday she will ask me 'how long did u watch the TV for?'... she will tell me not to watch the tv for too long, she will tell me not to turn on the heater and that if i'm cold i wil have to wear more layers of clothes becoz she wants to 'save electricity' ... ok fine.... i should just freeze and die isnt it? it'll be so much better off for her. and somehow she keeps criticizing me that i'm fat. she wil say 'dont fall,if not i cant carry coz u're so small' or like last friday when she intro me to her frens she said 'shes my niece,shes very small' very very sarcastically. i hate it. i hate every minute to see or stand her. but i cant say anything back coz i dont want to start a fight with her and im so tired of want to treat tis kind of ppl nicely. i'll just keep quiet and cry at night.thats wat i do best at anyway...........


i really missed my frens back home alottt....i missed the fact how they dont judge u by how u look but by how u treat them and they wil treat u back with a sincere heart.... i missed those kind of people...why dont i have any of this kind of people in my family? ...guess this is my luck to be stuck with tis kind of family. they judge u by ur looks. if u're slim n pretty,they let u go with anything. they are tis kind of ppl.......sigh.....

anyway havent made many frens here yet... just some of my brother's church frens and some uni frens.... u know,it's so hard for me to make frens becuz i dont have anything in common to talk with the people here and i cant crack lame jokes becuz it's so hard to put it in proper english,and if i put it in proper english it aint gona sound funny anymore....my bro's frens are friendly and very nice people. the uni frens i met are too. but just that i cant reli talk about anything with them. dont tell me i want to go up to them n talk about my personal problems? that wouldnt be appropriate becoz i just knew them not long ago...although i have 1 korean fren who talks about her personal problems to me and i do try my best to help her out. well u know,guy problems.... its nice that she open up to me easily..but i was shocked at first of coz becoz i didnt see that coming. hmm..................maybe i shud shut my true self away from people that i dont think is nice to me...and just show my true self to those who are nice to me...... seriously its so boring here.....i'm dying to go back to Msia..although i hate the gov there but i stil have fantastic frens there...awesome ones are hard to find...especially those who know me so well and grow up with me...i really missed them alot.... even in stamford college there,i met almost 30frens and we're like as close as a family.i duno,but i think Malaysian people are more generous/kind/simple like the ones i met,they make fren with me with their sincere heart they dont pretend or fake towards me. thats wat i really miss. coz i cant tell by the people here. aside from my bro's frens.they are funny n nice. anyway i do miss malaysian food alot. the food here are..........................if u want something to indulge & savoury then here is the place...other than that...it is not advisable to come here for asian food......like seriously...................